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Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The Special Ed Blues

So I’m feeling a little discouraged about work right now. I love my job, I really do, it’s just that we started the school year one month ago and three of our nineteen kids have been up for expulsion already. I didn’t realize that this was the case (because things have been so crazy and I haven’t had time to think) until today, when I received a forwarded email from the school counselor originally from an assistant principle, who works a lot with our kids. The email said that he thought it would be a good idea to come down to our classroom and meet with our kids in person to discuss what can and can’t get you expelled. The email also mentioned bringing the campus police officer and the guy at the district office whose only job is to deal with kids that are getting expelled. Here’s the part that made me sad when I thought about it later: I read the email and thought, “That’s a great idea. These kids do need to be reminded of this stuff—they do need to understand that there are consequences for their actions. And those actions—if severe enough—may cost them years of their lives.” I really like the kids I work with, but realizing that this is what is occupying my thoughts just bummed the hell out of me. Why did this bum me out so much? Because I came to the conclusion that I can’t “save” any of them. I can only help them with their exponents and five-paragraph essays. I can only walk them to the door of their classrooms to make sure they don’t ditch class and smoke behind the bleachers. I can only sit with them at lunch to make sure they don’t get out of hand and start throwing crap and cussing at each other. But no, I can’t save them. It just got to me today, that’s all.

3 comments:

Xander said...

Thats heavy dude. But I don't ever think what you do is about 'saving' anyone in my understanding its about making a difference and just being there and guiding them your making a difference, A HUGE DIFFERENCE. People make their own decisions and that is out of your hands even challenged individuals like your students. You make a difference dude and thats what counts.

Sarai and Dani said...

I learned a long time ago when I got my first job at an NPS with kiddos 3rd-5th grade who were designated E.D. that I couldn't save them. I remember feeling the same way you are describing. At first, it is so depressing and can be such a downer. Then I realized that the successes were in the daily accomplishments: getting them to school, being the one to care to make CPS reports, avoiding blow outs (or expulsions), making them feel 'heard'. For these kids it's about getting through each day, and if we can be that person who supports them in that accomplishment, we are doing our jobs. You are making a difference, and if you stay with this long enough, you will see the life changing choices that they make: going to college, graduating HS, repairing relationships with their parents, getting their first job. Hang in there Phil, you're doing an amazing job!

The Junoir High Guy said...

dude i wan't a new pole on wild at heart...and dude u didn't call us back